How To Build Emotional Intelligence

Learning how to build emotional intelligence can help you better understand and manage strong emotions like anger, sadness, or anxiety. Emotional intelligence refers to skills you can pick up in Impact Factory programmes like the Interpersonal Skills Training.

These skills are essential for modern managers and include recognising your own emotions, controlling how you react, picking up on how others feel, and building positive relationships. There are different types of emotional intelligence that we’ll explore.

The great news is that even if you struggle with emotions now, emotional intelligence is something you can develop and improve over time. By practising specific strategies, you’ll be able to stay calmer, relate to others with more empathy, and live with more confidence and happiness.

In this article, we’ll share practical exercises for increasing your emotional awareness, channelling difficult emotions productively, and strengthening your social bonds. You’ll learn techniques used by emotional intelligence experts to feel more in control and at peace. Let’s get started!

Key Takeaways

• Emotional intelligence is a vital skill set that helps you understand and manage your own emotions, like anger or anxiety, as well as relate to others’ feelings.
• It consists of four core abilities: self-awareness, self-management, social awareness, and relationship management skills.
• While some people are naturally more emotionally aware, you can systematically build emotional intelligence over time through targeted strategies.
• Be patient and keep practising – developing true emotional mastery is an ongoing journey of growth, not something achieved overnight.

Types of Emotional Intelligence

There are four main types of emotional intelligence skills:

Self-Awareness

This means recognising your own feelings and understanding why you feel a certain way. Self-aware people can identify their personal strengths, weaknesses, and emotional triggers. They don’t ignore unpleasant emotions but reflect on where those feelings come from.

Self-Management

In addition to noticing your emotions, you need to manage them. Self-management is about controlling your behaviours and reactions when feelings become intense or overwhelming. It involves calming yourself down using strategies like deep breathing before you act impulsively.

Social Awareness

This type of emotional intelligence, also called empathy, focuses on picking up on how other people are feeling. Socially aware individuals read verbal and non-verbal cues well. They sense the emotional state and perspectives of those around them.

Motivation

This involves using your deepest emotions and drives to achieve goals with energy and resilience. Those with emotional motivation skills can tap into their core values to inspire themselves and persist through challenges. Knowing what fulfils and motivates you from the inside is key.

Relationship Management

The final type draws upon the other three by helping you interact positively. Relationship management skills allow you to communicate clearly, inspire others, resolve disagreements, and build trust and rapport. You’ll connect better with family, friends, and colleagues.

While each type is different, they build upon one another. By developing all four areas, you’ll reach the highest levels of emotional understanding and ability.

How to Build Emotional Intelligence

Building Self-Awareness

The foundation of emotional intelligence is self-awareness. To build this, try keeping an emotion journal where you write about how you felt during the day. Note the situations that triggered strong emotions like anxiety, frustration or excitement.

You can also ask those close to you how you tend to come across emotionally. For example, ask a friend: “When do you notice me getting irritated or shutting down?” This feedback illuminates your natural patterns.

Another powerful exercise is monitoring your self-talk, that inner voice in your head. Pay attention to how you react internally during challenging circumstances. Over time, you’ll become more mindful of the emotional reflex.

Enhancing Self-Management

Once you recognise how you tend to feel and respond, you can start practising better self-control. A simple technique is pausing to take a few deep breaths before reacting. This momentary break can prevent you from snapping or doing something you may regret.

You should also identify healthy outlets for processing stress, anger or hurt in a productive way. Exercise, journaling, talking to a friend – all of these release difficult emotions without lashing out. Find what works best for you.

Another key is reframing a situation to view it differently. For instance, if a coworker’s harsh feedback makes you furious, pause and consider that it wasn’t a personal attack. Their critique may actually help you improve with some adjustments to your mindset.

Increasing Motivation

Emotional intelligence isn’t just dealing with negative feelings – it’s also using positive emotions to drive you. When you know your values and what inspires you, you can tap into that motivation during challenges.

Make a vision board with images representing your core goals – maybe photos of your dream career, activities you love, or inspiring quotes. Celebrate small wins along the way, too, to nurture long-term motivation.

Cultivating Empathy

Empathy, or social awareness, means being attuned to how others are feeling. It’s the ability to pick up on emotional cues like facial expressions, body language, and the overall vibe or energy of a situation.

One of the best ways to build empathy is through active listening. Instead of just waiting for your turn to speak, really focus on trying to understand the other person’s perspective when they’re talking. Pay attention to their words, tone of voice, and mannerisms for additional context.

You can practice empathy by people-watching in public places too. Without staring! Just subtly observe how different people hold themselves or interact and try to interpret their emotional state based on those cues.

Another great empathy exercise is putting yourself in someone else’s shoes through role-playing. Act out scenarios with a friend where you each take opposite viewpoints and really feel into the other perspective.

Improving Social Skills

Once you’ve developed self-awareness, self-management abilities, and empathy for others, you can start honing your overall social and relationship skills. These allow you to navigate interpersonal situations with confidence and emotional intelligence.

Here are some of the top skills to practice:

1. Clear, respectful and effective communication. State your perspective calmly during disagreements using “I” statements like “I felt frustrated when…” Don’t blame or accuse.
2. Engaged listening. Don’t just wait for your turn to talk. Ask follow-up questions to confirm you understand the other person’s point of view.
3. Conflict resolution. Instead of rehashing the same arguments, look for compromises or creative solutions where you both get your core needs met. Don’t get hooked into toxic venting.
4. Building rapport. Use open body language, make eye contact, and identify some common interests to bond over. Small talk can lead to great connections.
5. Emotional self-control. Even when facing intense emotions, speak and behave with intention instead of reacting impulsively. Take pauses if needed.

The key is applying your self-awareness, calmness under pressure, and understanding of others’ feelings to interact productively. With practice, these social skills will become second nature.

Assessing and Measuring Emotional Intelligence

Popular Tests

The Mayer-Salovey-Caruso Emotional Intelligence Test (MSCEIT), which was described in the 2014 study, is one of the most widely used assessments. It involves reviewing images of faces and identifying the emotions shown to assess emotional perception and reasoning abilities.

The Emotional Quotient Inventory (EQ-i) is another helpful tool that measures different components of emotional intelligence like self-awareness, empathy, problem-solving and happiness.

While no test is perfect, assessments like these can provide helpful baseline data and allow you to monitor self-improvement.

Self-Assessment Techniques

While formal tests can be insightful, there are lots of simple self-assessment methods you can use to track your emotional intelligence growth:

Self-Report Questionnaires

These checklist-style surveys have questions that evaluate your self-awareness, empathy, and other EI skills based on how you respond. You can find free versions online or in some personal development books.

Reflective Practices

Journaling about your emotional experiences is a powerful reflective tool. You can review past entries to see how your self-awareness and management strategies have improved over time.

Meditation and mindfulness practices also boost self-reflection. When you tune into the present moment, it’s easier to recognise and process your emotions.

Feedback from Others

Ask a few close friends, family members or coworkers you trust for their honest perspective on your emotional intelligence growth areas and strengths. Sometimes, other people notice changes in us before we do!

Their input, combined with your own self-assessments, creates a comprehensive picture of where you’re making progress and what to work on next.

Long-Term Development and Support

Continuous Learning and Application

Building emotional intelligence skills is an ongoing journey, not something you master overnight. The habits and mindsets you’re developing need continuous reinforcement through learning and real-life application.

That’s why any effective EI program provides options for ongoing skill practice and support even after an initial training period ends. You may have access to mobile apps with refresher exercises, an online student community, or periodic check-ins with your facilitator.

Putting the strategies you’re learning into practice every day is essential. Look for small ways to flex your self-awareness, empathy or conflict-resolution muscles each week to solidify the habits.

Innovative Methods

The field of emotional intelligence is also evolving, with new technologies creating even more powerful training opportunities:

• Virtual Reality environments can simulate challenging interpersonal scenarios, allowing you to practice responding with emotional intelligence in a low-risk setting.
• AI-powered apps can evaluate your emotional patterns and provide personalised coaching to build specific EI capabilities like emotional self-control.
• Impact Factory’s own programs integrate digital platforms that make remote EI training more interactive and experiential. For example, our Coaching for Managers In-House Training utilises virtual collaboration spaces where participants can practice newly learned skills together.

No matter which techniques or technologies you use, the key is approaching emotional intelligence as a lifelong journey of growth. With patience and dedication, you can master these vital skills.

How Impact Factory Can Help

Impact Factory empowers professionals to build crucial emotional intelligence skills through specialised training.

Our leadership courses and management training allow you to deeply enhance abilities like emotional self-awareness, inspiring and motivating others, delivering feedback with empathy, and resolving team conflicts effectively.

We offer flexible learning formats to meet your needs – live virtual classrooms and in-person training sessions are all available. You can even experience our innovative use of video technology like Neat Bar, which makes virtual learning astonishingly interactive.

If you’re ready to master emotional intelligence abilities that will transform your leadership, relationships, and overall satisfaction, reach out to us so we can design a personalised training plan for your goals.

FAQs

Can you improve your emotional intelligence?

Absolutely! While some people are naturally more emotionally aware than others, emotional intelligence is something you can actively build and enhance over time. It’s like building muscle – the more you practice key skills like self-awareness, managing difficult emotions, and empathising with others, the stronger your overall emotional abilities become.

What makes me emotionally intelligent?

There are four core components of emotional intelligence:

1. Being self-aware and able to identify your own emotions
2. Practising self-management to control impulsive reactions when feelings run high
3. Having social awareness to pick up on how others are feeling
4. Applying those skills to build positive relationships through clear communication and conflict resolution

True emotional intelligence mastery means growing proficiency in each of those areas.

What are the 3 C’s of emotional intelligence?

The “three C’s” refer to three particularly important emotional intelligence skills:

• Choice – Recognising you have a choice in how you respond to challenging situations and emotions
• Cause – Being able to identify the root causes and triggers behind your feelings
• Considering Consequences – Thinking through the potential outcomes of your actions before reacting

Keeping these three C’s in mind can help you make wiser, more emotionally intelligent choices in any situation.

What’s the secret to emotional intelligence?

There’s no single secret, but one key is being willing to look inward and get honest about your typical emotional patterns. Practices like mindfulness and self-reflection can help you recognise how you tend to feel and react. Patience is also really important. Developing true emotional intelligence takes ongoing work – it’s a journey, not something you master overnight. Be kind to yourself, celebrate small wins, and keep practising.

Related Reading:

Do you want to learn more about emotional intelligence? Here are further resources:

• How To Be Assertive Not Aggressive – Being assertive comes hand in hand with emotional intelligence. But there’s a thin line – you might sometimes come over as aggressive. Read more on how to avoid it.
• Benefits of Being Assertive – When you’re able to say no without feeling guilty AND come up with an effective compromise, there are bound to be some benefits. Let’s explore what they are.
• Strategies for Applying New Management Skills in the Workplace – Once you have your new skills, it’s time to apply them in real-life situations. Here’s what you need to do.